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		<title>Ventus - Day 31 of 135</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-31-of-135/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-31-of-135/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:05:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>TurtleReader</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Karl Schroeder]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Ventus]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[

Jordan reached out blindly, and felt the bannister at the head of the stairwell.  He held it tightly in both hands to
anchor himself.  It was the panic he had to fight.  There was no other way to stop the vision.  

He put his awareness into the tip of his nose, and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='lastday'>

<p>Jordan reached out blindly, and felt the bannister at the head of the stairwell.  He held it tightly in both hands to
anchor himself.  It was the panic he had to fight.  There was no other way to stop the vision.  </p>

<p>He put his awareness into the tip of his nose, and breathed slowly, in and out, counting his breaths as he did so. 
Over the next few minutes he used every trick Calandria had shown him to engender calmness, and gradually the voices
faded.  When he was confident he had them at bay, he let go of the bannister.  He could see again.</p></div>

<p>Jordan wasted no more time, but grabbed up the bucket and went straight to Axel&#8217;s room.  He debated whether to
knock or walk in, knowing Axel might be with someone.  He stooped to peer through the keyhole, just in case.</p>

<p>A candle burned on the table by the window.  Axel sat there in a loose robe, his hands steepled.  He was speaking in
a low voice to someone out of sight.  Jordan craned his neck to see who he was speaking to.  </p>

<p>&#8220;&#8230;The local humans don&#8217;t seem to be in great awe of the Winds they deal with every day,&#8221; Axel was saying.  &#8220;They
know the morphs and desals moderate animal populations.  People treat morphs like they do bears or moose, with caution
but not fear.  But they mythologize the Winds they know the least&#8211;you can see it in their names for the geophysical
Winds&#8211;like &#8216;Heaven hooks&#8217; and &#8216;Diadem swans&#8217;.  They can&#8217;t connect the activities of these Greater Winds with their day
to day lives.&#8221;</p>

<p>He still couldn&#8217;t see who else was in there.  Well, there was nothing to be done about it.  Jordan knocked lightly on
the door.  Axel stopped speaking immediately.  Jordan heard him approach, and then the door opened a crack.</p>

<p>&#8220;What the hell do you want?  Do you know what time it is?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Come quickly,&#8221; Jordan said.  &#8220;We need your help.&#8221;</p>

<p>Axel opened his mouth, thought better of it, and went to dress.  He left the door wide open, and Jordan was able to
satisfy himself that indeed, there was no one else in the room.</p>

<p>&sect;</p>

<p>He was not surprised to find August asleep and breathing easily when he and Axel arrived.  Calandria had removed
the man&#8217;s bloodstained jacket and shirt, and was examining a harsh gash under his sternum.  Amazingly, the gash was not
bleeding.</p>

<p>&#8220;I had to use nano on him, or he&#8217;d have died,&#8221; she said without preamble.  &#8220;Jordan, go wash the stairs.&#8221;</p>

<p>He did so despite fierce curiosity.  When he returned, August had been bundled under several blankets.  The fire was
roaring nicely.  Calandria and Axel seemed to be arguing hotly about something.  They stopped when Jordan entered, and
both glared at him.</p>

<p>&#8220;Bad move to save him,&#8221; Axel said.  Calandria said nothing. </p>

<p>&#8220;What was I supposed to do, let him die?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;What were you doing out there in the first place?&#8221; Axel shot back.</p>

<p>&#8220;What does that have to do with it?  I was there.  He was in trouble.&#8221;  Jordan stuck out his chin.  &#8220;What was I
supposed to do?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;The question is,&#8221; Calandria said drily, &#8220;what are we supposed to do, now that we have him?  I let the nano work
just long enough to suture the wound.  I think I got it all out, but he may wake up in the morning without a wound at all. 
That&#8217;s going to be hard to explain.  Our discretion in this place seems to be evaporating.  Once again you are the cause of
the problem, Jordan.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s hard to think ahead when somebody&#8217;s dying in front of you,&#8221; Jordan said quietly.</p>

<p>Axel and Calandria glanced at each other.  &#8220;All right,&#8221; said Axel, &#8220;we&#8217;re going to have to handle this carefully.  He
can&#8217;t be moved right now, obviously.  But he must be moved tomorrow night.  You,&#8221; he pointed at Jordan, &#8220;will be his
nursemaid tomorrow.  Then you will help me sneak him out and into town tomorrow night.  Understand?&#8221;  Jordan nodded. 
&#8220;We&#8217;re lucky he&#8217;s feeling personally humiliated.  The fact that he wasn&#8217;t supposed to be fighting will work in our favor; he
won&#8217;t come back here for a while&#8211;if, as you say Cal, he&#8217;s not totally healed by morning.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;How could he be?&#8221; Jordan asked.</p>

<p>&#8220;Science,&#8221; Axel said blandly.  &#8220;Not the kind we&#8217;re teaching you, though.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Nano, right?&#8221;</p>

<p>Calandria swore in that other language again, and Axel laughed.  &#8220;Yeah, nano.  Shit, Cal, it was your idea to snatch
Jordan in the first place.  Live with it.&#8221;  She glowered at him for a second, then composed herself:  the anger seemed to
drain away totally, and she was once again her usual poised, calm self.  This sudden calm was in its way more unsettling
than the anger.</p>

<p>&#8220;How are we going to explain August&#8217;s miraculous recovery to him?&#8221; she asked.</p>

<p>&#8220;He wasn&#8217;t exactly in a position to judge how bad it was,&#8221; Axel said.  &#8220;All he knew was he had a hole in him.  If it
turns out to be less of a hole than he thought, well, he&#8217;ll just thank the Winds, I suppose.  We&#8217;ll bandage him thoroughly,
and if there&#8217;s no hole there at all tomorrow, I&#8217;ll put one in&#8211;cosmetic, of course, don&#8217;t look at me like that.&#8221;</p>

<p>Calandria shook her head.  Axel smiled.  &#8220;You&#8217;re good at planning,&#8221; he said.  &#8220;I&#8217;m good at improvising.  That&#8217;s why
we get along.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;When we get along,&#8221; she said with a sphinx-like smile.</p>

<p>Jordan sat down on his bed, suddenly very tired.  In the back of his head, he heard Armiger and Megan still talking. 
It didn&#8217;t matter.  At that moment, he had to wonder which was the more real&#8211;the quiet, ordinary dialogue taking place in
his head, a thousand kilometers away&#8211;or the mad conversation Calandria May and Axel Chan were holding, barely a
meter away from him.</p>

<p>&#8220;Jordan!&#8221;  He looked up.  &#8220;Did you clean the blood off the steps?&#8221; Calandria asked.</p>

<p>He shook his head, and rose to do so.  He&#8217;d left the bucket outside, ready for this.</p>

<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll help,&#8221; said Axel unexpectedly.  After they got outside and shut the door, he said, &#8220;Are you all right?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Yeah.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;You did the right thing,&#8221; said Axel as they both knelt to dip rags in the bucket.</p>

<p>&#8220;She doesn&#8217;t seem to think so.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Oh, she does.  She just gets angry when something happens she can&#8217;t control.&#8221;</p>

<p>Jordan sighed, and began swabbing at August&#8217;s blood.  &#8220;Why?&#8221; was all he could think of to ask.</p>

<p>&#8220;Cal has her own problems,&#8221; said Axel quietly.  &#8220;She&#8217;s never been a happy person.  Why should she be?  She never
had a real childhood.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Cal was inducted into a military organization at a young age, after her mother was sent to prison.  Over the years,
they made her into a tool, an assassin who could serve the causes they were paid to support.  She can change her face, her
height, her voice&#8230; I don&#8217;t know what she can&#8217;t do.  She can read a book and memorize every word the first time, or learn a
language in days.  She&#8217;s probably the best fighter on this planet.  She has amazing powers, but she&#8217;s never really had her
own life.  She ran away from her masters, the ones who made her, and for years she used her talents to support herself. 
Then she got tangled up in the war against 3340.</p>

<p>&#8220;People had tried to destroy 3340 from without,&#8221; Axel continued.  &#8220;Cal found the way that worked&#8211;she killed him
from within.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;You told me.&#8221;</p>

<p>Axel shook his head.  &#8220;I gave you the sanitized version.  You know 3340 was in the habit of &#8216;promoting&#8217; humans&#8211;turning them into demigods pretty much at random by making them immortal, replacing their biological cells with nano,
that sort of thing.  He&#8217;d subverted the whole human civilization on Hsing to this perverse lottery.  Once you became a
demigod, though, he took control of your mind using some sort of sophisticated virus program.  One of his &#8216;conscious
thoughts&#8217;, I guess.  The place really was hell, there was no morality there, everyone just scrambled to try to become
immortal, and didn&#8217;t care what they had to do to get it.</p>

<p>&#8220;3340 looked unbeatable.  But we kept hearing rumors that one demigod&#8211;and only one&#8211;had beaten the virus
thought, and thrown off 3340&#8217;s enslavement.  Calandria tracked him down, and got the secret.  Then she arranged to be
&#8216;promoted&#8217; by 3340.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;How did she do that?&#8221;  Jordan had been dabbing at the blood spots one at a time; now Axel upended the bucket and
poured the contents down the steps.  &#8220;It&#8217;ll be dry by morning,&#8221; he said.</p>

<p>Axel looked at his now-wet feet.  &#8220;You needed to really impress 3340 to get promoted.  So Calandria betrayed us.&#8221; 
He glanced up and, apparently satisfied by Jordan&#8217;s shocked look, nodded.  &#8220;The whole underground that Choronzon and
the Archipelago had built up on the planet.  Had us arrested, thrown in jail&#8230; sentenced to be eaten by 3340&#8217;s data
gatherers.</p>

<p>&#8220;It worked.&#8221;  His voice had become uncharacteristically flat.  &#8220;The god took notice of her.  He promoted her to
demigod status on the spot.  She became sur-biological, able to shape-shift, split her thoughts off into autonomous units,
invent new senses for herself.  They tell me it&#8217;s the ultimate experience, short of real deification, but you&#8217;re not even
remotely human anymore.  And of course, he slipped his virus thought into her, and it took her over.&#8221;</p>

<p>Jordan had forgotten the wet steps.  &#8220;Her plan didn&#8217;t work?&#8221;</p>

<p>Axel half-grinned.  &#8220;Our ally god Choronzon had arrived in force, but his navy was being cut to pieces.  Calandria
went straight into the heart of the battle.  But once she got there&#8230; she fought off the virus, and flew through 3340&#8217;s ranks
showing all the other demigods how to get free.</p>

<p>&#8220;So suddenly 3340&#8217;s whole navy turned on him.  Both navies chased him down to a mountain on Hsing, and
Calandria and Choronzon confronted him there, and killed him.&#8221;</p>

<p>Jordan shook her head.  It sounded like myth, but Axel was telling it in a bald matter-of-fact way.   </p>

<p>&#8220;It must have been overwhelming for her.&#8221;  Jordan shifted uneasily, trying to imagine what it would take to
deliberately choose to become like Armiger.  &#8220;But you say she&#8217;s human now?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;She rid herself of all her powers&#8211;had her nanotech commit suicide by building itself back into normal human cells. 
She did it publicly to show the people of Hsing that being human was better than being a god.&#8221;  He shook his head.  &#8220;Me,
I&#8217;d have stayed immortal.  Think of the fun you could have.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Why did she do it?&#8221;</p>

<p>He shrugged.  &#8220;Like I said, she has her own demons&#8211;metaphorically, I mean.  I think they pursued her even into
godhood.  She found some way of coming to terms with them by becoming human again.  I don&#8217;t know the details, she
won&#8217;t talk about it.  She&#8217;s also the most fanatically moral person I ever met,&#8221; he added.  &#8220;She thought it was the right thing
to do.</p>

<p>&#8220;The thing is,&#8221; he added gently, &#8220;you impressed her tonight by saving August.  She wouldn&#8217;t have left him to die
either, no matter what she might say.  She just doesn&#8217;t understand that at heart she&#8217;s no different from any of us.  </p>

<p>&#8220;And that, my friend, is a scar I don&#8217;t know how to heal.&#8221;</p>]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Ventus - Day 30 of 135</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-30-of-135/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-30-of-135/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:05:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>TurtleReader</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Karl Schroeder]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Ventus]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.turtlereader.com/news/ventus-day-30-of-135/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[

A black figure reared into sight in one of these lighted  spaces.  It crossed the beam of crooked light, then
disappeared again in shadow.  He watched for almost a minute, until it appeared again in a lozenge of lunar grey farther
down the hall.

Though the night watchman must be a thirty meters away by [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='lastday'>

<p>A black figure reared into sight in one of these lighted  spaces.  It crossed the beam of crooked light, then
disappeared again in shadow.  He watched for almost a minute, until it appeared again in a lozenge of lunar grey farther
down the hall.</p>

<p>Though the night watchman must be a thirty meters away by now and facing the other way, Jordan still held his
breath and tiptoed very quietly across to the door.  He eased it open, letting in a breath of cold, misty night air.</p></div>

<p>Jordan felt exposed just peering around the door jamb.  The statues seemed to be staring at him.  Aside from them,
there was no sound at all now.</p>

<p>The two men might still be circling in the dark, only meters away for all he knew.  Now that he was here Jordan had
no idea what he was going to do.  Sound the alarm?  That would be the sensible thing to do&#8211;but this was doubtless some
political feud, and Calandria&#8217;s dress-up games aside, he was still only a mason&#8217;s son, and it was not his place to interfere. 
He had already drawn the attention and wrath of the household for fainting at dinner.  He was not about to compound that
by waking the place, especially since the courtyard seemed empty now.  Maybe the duellists had lost their nerve, and fled,
or one had capitulated.</p>

<p>The silence drew out, and the outside chill began to penetrate Jordan&#8217;s bones so that he shivered as he clung to the
door.  Then he heard a cough, followed by a faint groan.</p>

<p>The duel was over then, but the outcome had not been peaceful.  Now what?  Wake the household?  Run back for
Calandria, tell her a man was bleeding to death in the courtyard?  </p>

<p>&#8216;So what&#8217;, she would say.  She was too ruthless, and seemed to think it best if Jordan unlearned empathy as she
sometime had.  But he couldn&#8217;t do that.</p>

<p>He eased out into the night air, and paused half-expecting a dark figure to rush him from the forest of statues. 
Nothing moved.</p>

<p>He heard the groan again, and this time was able to locate its source.  Huddled near one wall of the manor was a
man.  He held his stomach with both hands, and his mouth was open wide as he struggled to breathe.  His epee lay
neglected on the grass nearby.</p>

<p>Jordan ran to him and knelt down.  The man flinched away from him.  &#8220;It&#8217;s all right,&#8221; Jordan said.  &#8220;I&#8217;m going to help
you.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Too&#8230; too late for that,&#8221; the man gasped.  He was tall and rangy, with a hatchet-shaped face.  Lank black hair lay
plastered across his forehead.  He was dressed in the livery of Linden Boros&#8217; household.  &#8220;I&#8230; I lost.  Let it be.&#8221;</p>

<p> &#8220;What are you talking about?  You need help, or you&#8217;ll die.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;I know.&#8221;  Black liquid welled up between his tightened fingers.  &#8220;Got me&#8230; a good one.&#8221;  He gritted his teeth and
raised his head to look at his belly.</p>

<p>&#8220;Yes, you lost fair and square.  But he didn&#8217;t kill you, did he?  You&#8217;ve got another chance.&#8221;</p>

<p>The man shook his head.  &#8220;Can&#8217;t&#8230; face them.  Now.  Too humil&#8211;, humili&#8211;&#8221; he didn&#8217;t have the breath for the word.</p>

<p>&#8220;What?&#8221;  Jordan was desperate that the man would die in front of him.  He sat back on his haunches, suddenly
angry.  &#8220;You can&#8217;t face them?  Is that supposed to be brave or something?&#8221;</p>

<p>The man glared at him.</p>

<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve always admired soldiers for their bravery,&#8221; Jordan went on in a rush.  &#8220;Being willing to die for your pride
seemed honorable.  But I guess some men are willing to die because they&#8217;re brave enough to face defeat, and some
because they&#8217;re afraid of facing their friends after being defeated.&#8221;  He crossed his arms and tried to stare the man down. 
&#8220;Sounds like you&#8217;re the second kind.&#8221;</p>

<p>The man fell back with a groan, closing his eyes tightly.  &#8220;I&#8217;d&#8230; I&#8217;d kill you,&#8221; he gasped.  &#8220;If I could stand.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Yeah, that way you wouldn&#8217;t have to listen to me.  Cowardice again.  Are you going to let me help you?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Go to hell.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s the problem?&#8221; Jordan nearly shouted in exasperation.  &#8220;Where is everybody?  Where are your friends? 
What&#8217;s so awful about getting yourself sewed up?  Who&#8217;s that going to kill?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;House&#8211;house rules.&#8221;  The man opened his eyes again, to stare at the stars and wind-torn clouds.  &#8220;Boros rules.  No
duelling&#8230; allowed.  I call f-for help&#8230; Linden loses.  Loses face.  Maybe more.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;We&#8217;ll take you to Linden&#8217;s doctor.  He can cover up for you, surely?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Ordered&#8230; not to treat&#8230; duelists.&#8221;  The man began to shiver violently.</p>

<p>&#8220;Oh.&#8221;  Jordan looked back at the tower, which stood in black silhouette against the troubled sky.  &#8220;So your surgeon
won&#8217;t treat you because he&#8217;s ordered not to, and Yuri&#8217;s won&#8217;t for the same reason.  I suppose it was one of Brendan Sheia&#8217;s
men who stabbed you, so his surgeon certainly won&#8217;t help.&#8221;  The man nodded fatalistically.</p>

<p>&#8220;Lucky for you I&#8217;m not a member of this household, nor one of yours, or Sheia&#8217;s,&#8221; Jordan went on.  &#8220;I&#8217;ve been given
no orders against helping you.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Are you&#8230; surgeon?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;No, but,&#8221; he guessed, &#8220;my lady is.&#8221;</p>

<p>The man tried to sit up.  Jordan slipped an arm under his shoulders and helped him.  &#8220;How can&#8230; lady be&#8230;&#8221;  A
violent shiver took hold of the man.  &#8220;C-c-cold.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Come.  We&#8217;ll stand up.  Then we&#8217;ll see.&#8221;  Slowly and gingerly, he drew the man to his feet.</p>

<p>&sect;</p>

<p>Calandria cursed in a language Jordan had never heard before.  He needed no translation.</p>

<p>&#8220;Look at the trail of blood!&#8221; she snapped.  &#8220;How are we going to hide him as you&#8217;re suggesting?  And what if he
dies?  We&#8217;ll have a corpse in our room!&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Not&#8230; my&#8230; idea,&#8221; whispered the bleeding man.</p>

<p>&#8220;Lie back,&#8221; she said to him.  She knelt, whipping her nightdress around herself crossly, and poked at the embers of
the fire.  &#8220;You&#8217;re going into shock.  I&#8217;m going to get the fire well up, then we&#8217;ll see to your wound.&#8221;  Jordan sat with his
hands pressed hard on the man&#8217;s stomach.  Blood flowed everywhere, but no more than at the butcher&#8217;s; Jordan was more
worried by the amazing paleness of the man, and the coldness of his skin.</p>

<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t mind her,&#8221; he said to keep his mind off these things.  &#8220;What&#8217;s your name?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;A-August.  Ostler.&#8221;  By Ostler he might have meant his family name or profession; Jordan didn&#8217;t pursue the issue.</p>

<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m Jordan Mason.  This is Lady Calandria May.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Jordan, stop it!  You&#8217;re wasting his strength.&#8221;  Calandria thumped two logs onto the churned embers.  Sparks flew
up, and she poked the wood into position so it caught.  Jordan had noticed before that she wasn&#8217;t very good at tending
fires, a strange lack in someone so otherwise talented.  Luckily these logs needed no encouragement to catch.</p>

<p>&#8220;Get Axel,&#8221; she said.  &#8220;I&#8217;ll take over here.&#8221;  She pulled her pack from under her bed, spilled its contents on the floor,
and came up with two white metal tubes.  Without glancing up, she added, &#8220;Then clean the blood off the steps, and
yourself too.&#8221;</p>

<p>Jordan ran.</p>

<p>He was glad now that they had taken the tower room.  The place was set apart from the main manor, so comings and
goings like this would be much less noticeable than in the house.  Still, Jordan slowed to a cautious walk when he reached
the downstairs gallery, and paused every few steps to listen for the night watch.</p>

<p>Infrequent lamps dimly lit the halls of the manor.  Jordan&#8217;s bare feet made no noise on the cold stone floor.  He took
servant&#8217;s ways; the idea of walking the main halls still bothered him, especially now when no one should be afoot.  This
also allowed him to pause at the cistern outside the kitchen.  Low voices came from inside.  He cautiously ladled water
into a bucket, and washed himself.  He took the bucket with him up the tall narrow stairs to the top floor.  If anyone
stopped him, he could come up with any number of plausible servant&#8217;s explanations for carting water about at two in the
morning.  </p>

<p>Even with this prop in hand his heart was pounding.  As he reached the top of the stairs, he heard voices again.  He
plunked the bucket in a corner and quickly cast about for a place to hide.  Finally he stood behind the door to the hall. 
Stupid, but what choice was there?</p>

<p>The voices became louder:  a man and a woman in quiet conversation somewhere nearby.  Very nearby.  He held his
breath, and waited for them to open the door.</p>

<p>Nothing happened.  They must be standing just on the other side.  Jordan waited for several minutes, but they did
not move.  But he had to get to Axel.  Time to brazen it through.  He took a deep breath, picked up his bucket, and opened
the door quickly.</p>

<p>There was no one on the other side.</p>

<p>The voices continued.  Jordan put the bucket down and placed his palms over his ears.  The dialogue continued,
within his own head.</p>

<p>&#8220;Shit!  Not now!&#8221;  He staggered back, nearly tipping the bucket.  All the excitement tonight had made him
vulnerable, and Armiger had stepped into his mind again.  Now that he knew what it was, the voices were obviously those
of Armiger and Megan.</p>

<p>He stood for a minute in silent panic, waiting for the vision to wash over him completely.  He would lose himself
here, just when Calandria and Axel needed him.  Maybe someone would find him wandering like an idiot, blood-stained. 
If August died, he would be taken for the murderer.</p>

<p>As he thought this, the top-floor landing did begin to fade.  He thought he saw the inside of Megan&#8217;s house, lit by a
single candle.  She and Armiger sat close together, talking earnestly.  The vision became sharper with each passing
second.</p>

<p>Jordan reached out blindly, and felt the bannister at the head of the stairwell.  He held it tightly in both hands to
anchor himself.  It was the panic he had to fight.  There was no other way to stop the vision.  </p>

<p>He put his awareness into the tip of his nose, and breathed slowly, in and out, counting his breaths as he did so. 
Over the next few minutes he used every trick Calandria had shown him to engender calmness, and gradually the voices
faded.  When he was confident he had them at bay, he let go of the bannister.  He could see again.</p>]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Ventus - Day 29 of 135</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-29-of-135/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-29-of-135/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:05:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>TurtleReader</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Karl Schroeder]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Ventus]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[

&#167;

Returning from exploring the local town, Axel found the road to the Boros estate blocked by a number of wagons. 
They sat listlessly in the hot sun, waiting for some obstruction ahead to clear. 

 His horse snorted and turned to look at him.  Axel stretched and grinned. &#8220;You hate to wait, don&#8217;t you?&#8221; [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[

<h4>&sect;</h4>

<p>Returning from exploring the local town, Axel found the road to the Boros estate blocked by a number of wagons. 
They sat listlessly in the hot sun, waiting for some obstruction ahead to clear. </p>

<p> His horse snorted and turned to look at him.  Axel stretched and grinned. &#8220;You hate to wait, don&#8217;t you?&#8221; he said to
her.  She swung her head away again.</p>

<p>He had gone into town to look for discrete lodgings for August, and to buy a good pair of horses for Calandria and
Jordan.  He&#8217;d found the lodgings, but not the horses.  It was a good start.</p>

<p>He cantered over to the wagons.  &#8220;Making camp?&#8221; he inquired of the driver of the wagon that sat square in the
middle of the gateway.  The man looked at him wearily.</p>

<p>&#8220;Everybody&#8217;s a comedian.  Sir,&#8221; he added, noting the way Axel was dressed.</p>

<p>&#8220;Seriously, what&#8217;s the hold-up?&#8221;  One very large wagon blocked the wrought-iron gates to the estate.  Axel
supposed he could ride around through the underbrush.  He didn&#8217;t, but leaned forward as the other man pointed down the
road.</p>

<p>&#8220;Breakdown up ahead.&#8221;</p>

<p>Axel laughed.  &#8220;Some things never change.  Any chance you can move that cart a meter or two and let me by?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;  The driver urged his horses forward a bit.  Axel&#8217;s own steed balked at the narrow opening between the
stone gate post and the side of the wagon, so he dismounted and led it through.</p>

<p>Six or seven wagons waited on the roadway ahead.  He didn&#8217;t bother to mount again as he passed them.</p>

<p>Funny, he thought, but these wagons looked awfully familiar.  Then he looked past them, and understood why.</p>

<p>Turcaret&#8217;s steam car sat wreathed by smoke and mist a little down the road.  The controller himself stood next to it
talking to a pot-belled man in greasy velvet robes.  Axel passed the lead wagon and walked up the center of the road to
meet Turcaret.  </p>

<p>When he spotted Axel, Turcaret turned and casually waved.  He was a tall man who appeared forever to be posing
for his own portrait.  He wore a red velvet riding jacket, and spotless black boots.  He stood ramrod straight and held his
chin high so that he could look down his long, pointed nose at Axel.</p>

<p>&#8220;Ah, the wandering agent of Ravenon,&#8221; he said.  &#8220;I see you made use of my suggestion to visit the Boros.  How is
the lady May?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Never better, sir.&#8221;  Axel peered into the pall of smoke around the steam car.  He hated Turcaret.  &#8220;Having a little
mechanical problem?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Nothing we can&#8217;t fix.  I&#8217;ve sent a man ahead to tell Yuri we&#8217;re arriving.  I trust you&#8217;ve found the Boros&#8217;
accommodating?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;That we have.&#8221;  What was Turcaret doing here?  He had outlined his travel itinerary at length in several tiresome
dinner conversations prior to their arrival at Castor&#8217;s.  Cal had decided to take up the hospitality of the Boros family
precisely because Turcaret was not expected to come here.  The fewer people to compare notes about them the better.</p>

<p><em>Might as well admit surprise</em>, he thought.  &#8220;And what brings you here?  I thought you were heading straight for the
capital after Castor&#8217;s?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Oh, I was.&#8221;  Turcaret smiled one of his strangely infuriating, smug smiles.  &#8220;But then I was given some information
that I thought Yuri simply must know about.  So I thought it best to come here directly.&#8221;</p>

<p>Axel felt his smile grow a bit wooden.  &#8220;Information?  What information?&#8221;  </p>

<p>&#8220;Oh, that would be telling,&#8221; said Turcaret.</p>

<p>&#8220;Yes, well&#8230;  I hope to see you at dinner, then?&#8221;  Axel remounted his horse.</p>

<p>&#8220;Oh, you&#8217;ll be seeing me, Mr. Chan, count on it.&#8221;  Turcaret smiled again, and turned back to inspecting his steam
car.</p>

<p><em>This can&#8217;t be good</em>, Axel thought as he spurred his horse to a trot.  He&#8217;d had a very good time here at the Boros
estate, but the worm was in the apple now.  What would happen if Turcaret and Yuri compared notes?  Maybe nothing&#8230; </p>

<p>But he would start packing anyway, he decided, just as soon as he&#8217;d told Calandria the news. </p>











<h3>10</h3>

<p>On the night of Turcaret&#8217;s arrival, Jordan awoke somewhere around three A.M.  For a moment he thought he must
be back in Armiger&#8217;s mind, because the sound that had awakened him was the sound of metal striking metal:  clashing
swords.  He sat up, and looked around.  This was definitely the tower room, with its odd triangular stonework.  The sound
had come from the window.  Outside it was the courtyard of statues.</p>

<p>The sound was faint and intermittent.  For a few seconds he thought he might be imagining things.  Then it came
again.</p>

<p>And again, silence.  Jordan pictured two figures circling one another, in unspoken agreement that no alarm should
be given.  Unless one was already dead?  </p>

<p>He rose and padded quietly to the window.  The smell of the rain which had cascaded down all evening came to
him. Calandria slept in her usual comatose way, limbs flung akimbo, body entangled in the sheets.  Jordan stood on his
tiptoes and peered down at the darkened well of the courtyard.  </p>

<p>His scalp prickled.  He had never seen the courtyard after lights-out.  Not even the glow of a lantern filtered down
from the tall windows of the manor.  Lady Hannah Boros&#8217; statues posed like dancers at some subterranean ball, who
needed no light, whose music was the grumble of bedrock settling and whose dance steps took centuries to complete. 
Jordan had no doubt, after seeing the manse, that such places existed.  </p>

<p>One of the statues leapt out of place and dodged behind another.  Jordan heard labored breathing and the slide of
metal on stone.  Shadowed darkness near one wall roiled, showing another figure in motion.  Jordan&#8217;s breath caught, and
he pulled himself up farther to look straight down.</p>

<p>These two seemed to be alone.  If there were seconds to this duel, they must be invisible in some darkened doorway. 
Jordan doubted there was an attending physician present; there was the grimness of vendetta about the silence and darting
motion of these men.</p>

<p>Holding onto the edge of the window was hard.  The opening was little more than an arrow slit, meant to provide
light and a good firing point if one pulled up a chair to stand on.  The chairs in the Boros manor were huge, heavy and old,
and he was bound to wake Calandria if he tried to drag one over.  He clung as long as he could, catching frustrating
glimpses of movement below.  Then he fell back, flexing his arms in frustration.</p>

<p>If he awoke Calandria, she would order him to stay here while she investigated.  No way he was going to let that
happen.  </p>

<p>The whole thing was probably none of his business&#8230; but Turcaret&#8217;s steam car had puffed into the estate this
afternoon.  Where Turcaret went, bad news followed, Jordan had decided.  And Jordan knew that Axel and Calandria had
decieved Turcaret; they were both worried about his arrival.  It was always possible, he told himself as he headed for the
door, that one of the embattled shadows downstairs was Axel Chan.</p>

<p>He raced down the steps, slowing to a loud skip as he reached the first floor, and poked his head around the corner
of the archway.  Directly ahead was the door to the courtyard; to either side long halls led off in dark punctuated by
coffin-shaped opals of light from the windows.  These halls connected the tower to the main manor house at ground level.</p>

<p>A black figure reared into sight in one of these lighted  spaces.  It crossed the beam of crooked light, then
disappeared again in shadow.  He watched for almost a minute, until it appeared again in a lozenge of lunar grey farther
down the hall.</p>

<p>Though the night watchman must be a thirty meters away by now and facing the other way, Jordan still held his
breath and tiptoed very quietly across to the door.  He eased it open, letting in a breath of cold, misty night air.</p>]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Ventus - Day 28 of 135</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-28-of-135/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-28-of-135/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:05:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>TurtleReader</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Karl Schroeder]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Ventus]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.turtlereader.com/news/ventus-day-28-of-135/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[

 Armiger decided to avoid a full neurophysiological exam for now.  He just wasn&#8217;t psychologically strong enough to
take an objective look at how much intelligence, memory and will he had lost with 3340.  He could treat his body
dispassionately, however, so he started with that.

His resources were painfully low.  The gossamer nanotech that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='lastday'>

<p> Armiger decided to avoid a full neurophysiological exam for now.  He just wasn&#8217;t psychologically strong enough to
take an objective look at how much intelligence, memory and will he had lost with 3340.  He could treat his body
dispassionately, however, so he started with that.</p>

<p>His resources were painfully low.  The gossamer nanotech that made up his real body had unfurled from its usual
position at the spine, and spread throughout this human form, right to its extremities.  Nearly all his energy was devoted to
shoring up the body&#8217;s ravaged immune system.  He had manufactured nano to move in and repair the dead cells of his
own corpse, and until a day or so ago he had been warm and breathing only because the nano had replaced normal cell
processes with their own harsh metabolism.  Now the nano were easing out of revived cells and were being reabsorbed
into his filamentary body.  His strength was growing, but very slowly.  At this rate it would be many months before he
recovered fully. </p></div>

<p>He regretted having been so profligate with his power when he arrived.  To think he had detached parts of his own
gossamer and implanted them in humans, just to use them as remote eyes and ears&#8230;</p>

<p>Armiger opened his eyes.  He had completely forgotten about the remotes.  It wasn&#8217;t surprising, with everything that
had happened; they had always been a minor part of his plans, the mental equivalent of posting picket sentries around a
camp.  They did contain valuable nano, however.  He could considerably speed up his recovery if he recovered some of
that.</p>

<p>If it hadn&#8217;t been too badly damaged by the catastrophe, he should still have links to each remote.  They operated on
superluminal resonances, undetectable on the electromagnetic spectrum; he had set up the links this way to prevent the
Winds from homing in on his position.  It was still possible to trace the signal back from one of the remotes, but that
would require an understanding of human physiology and psychology that he knew the Winds didn&#8217;t possess. 
Superluminal links were always two way&#8211;what affected one station affected the other.  Armiger knew of no Wind capable
of exploiting the fact to turn one of his remotes into a receiver, so he had felt safe in making them.</p>

<p>Shutting his eyes, he called up their perspectives.  The system was weak from damage and disuse, but after a few
seconds the remotes began to respond.</p>

<p>There should have been twelve.  By the time the system was fully up, Armiger could see through only six pairs of
eyes.  </p>

<p>Even that was nearly overwhelming.  Somewhere in the catastrophe he had lost the ability to process multiple
sensory inputs.  What came to him now was a chaos of sensations:  blue cloth waving near a fire, water down a horse&#8217;s
flank, the feel of stone on his bare back, a warm hand on his belly&#8211;</p>

<p>&#8211;Pounding heart and ragged breaths gulped into a tight and painful chest.</p>

<p>He recoiled in pain.  It was too much to take all at once.  After opening his eyes and breathing quietly for a minute,
he resumed, this time singling out one remote&#8217;s perspective.</p>

<p>This other&#8217;s hands smoothed the chestnut flank of his horse one last time, then turned away.  Armiger saw he stood
in a small stable, the sort attached to country inns all across Ravenon.  This perspective belonged to an engineer who
travelled the country repairing and updating the heliographs in royal signal towers.  He saw a lot of the country in his
travels, and more than once Armiger had used his perspective to gather intelligence.</p>

<p>Tonight he was idle, walking slowly out of the stable, through a light drizzle to the door of a thatch-roofed inn. 
Armiger stayed with him only long enough to see him slide aside the curtain to a private closet; a candle already burned
next the small cot there.  </p>

<p>Armiger turned his attention to the next perspective.  This man was in bed already, but not alone.  Several people sat
on hard wooden chairs next to the bed in his small plaster-walled bedroom.  Armiger&#8217;s remote was talking to them.</p>

<p>&#8220;&#8230;Came at me like that out of nowhere.  Why?  What did I do to deserve this?&#8221;  He gestured at his leg, which lay
exposed above the bedding.  It was thickly wrapped in bloody bandages.</p>

<p>&#8220;How many did you say there were?&#8221; asked a man wearing the crimson ribbons of a priest.</p>

<p>&#8220;Five, six.  I don&#8217;t know!  It all happened so fast.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Well, you must have done something to offend them.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Not necessarily,&#8221; said another man.  &#8220;Maybe someone else did.  Matthew was passing by.  He was a handy target.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t understand,&#8221; whined the man in the bed.  &#8220;How am I going to work now?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t worry.  We&#8217;ll help you.&#8221;</p>

<p>Armiger left this perspective for the next.</p>

<p>Still on her back.  Cold stone and pebbles ground against her hips.  Her legs were wrapped around the broad torso of
the man who moved against her.  Past his shoulder, Armiger could see bright stars.</p>

<p>He moved to the next remote.</p>

<p>Stumbling in the blackness, he went down on all fours.  His own breath was a rasping rattle in his ears.  This man
stood, staggering now from a broad scrape down his leg, and ran.</p>

<p>Through leaves and dancing branches he ran&#8211;down a hillside, recklessly, barely keeping to his feet above prancing
stones&#8211;and into an orchard.  The limbs of the well-tended trees stretched skyward like supplicants&#8217; arms to heaven.  He
barely glanced up at them.  After weaving his way down an alley between the trees, he allowed himself to slow, then to
pause, and look behind him.</p>

<p>Nothing pursued him in the darkness.  He looked up.</p>

<p>The night here was overcast, making the darkness near total.  But past the crest of the hill he had just come down,
above the clouds, light shone as though men with lanterns rode some causeway there.  The lights were coming closer, with
apparent slowness.</p>

<p>He gave a cry that was more a painful gasp, and turned to run again.  A cottage was visible now at the end of the
rows of trees.  Low, stone, with a goat-pen attached, it glowed with internal firelight, warm and inviting.  He renewed his
run, breathing harshly.</p>

<p>Armiger felt the boards under him dip as Megan came out onto the porch.  She said something.  He raised one hand
to still her.</p>

<p>The runner had reached the cottage.  &#8220;Lena!&#8221; he cried, then flung himself to hang on the fence around the goatpen. 
He shuddered.</p>

<p>&#8220;Perce?&#8221;  A young woman appeared in the cottage&#8217;s doorway&#8211;uncannily silhouetted as Megan had been earlier. 
&#8220;Perce!  What&#8217;s wrong?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;They&#8217;re coming!  Just like the old man said they were.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;No.  That can&#8217;t be.  He&#8217;s crazy, we all know it&#8211;&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Look!&#8221;  He reeled around, and pointed at the glowing sky.</p>

<p>She screamed.</p>

<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s going on here?&#8221;  An older man and woman appeared behind the girl.  </p>

<p>&#8220;Perce!&#8221;  She ran to him.  Perce reached over the fence as she threw her arms around him.  &#8220;What&#8217;s going to
happen?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;The old man said they wanted to take me away.&#8221;  Perce laughed giddily.  &#8220;We never believed he really spoke to
them, remember?  All those years&#8230;  He said they&#8217;ll take me.  And I&#8217;ll never see you again.&#8221;</p>

<p>She buried her face in his neck, crying.  He could see her parents standing in awkward confusion nearby.  They were
staring at the sky.</p>

<p>&#8220;I came to say goodbye.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; she said, muffled.  &#8220;You can hide here.  We&#8217;ll take care of you.  They&#8217;ll go away.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;I tried hiding,&#8221; he said.  &#8220;They found me&#8211;started to pull the stables down around me!  I ran to the river&#8211;dove in
and let the rapids take me awhile.  That&#8217;s the only way I got as far ahead as I did.  If I stay they&#8217;ll kill you to get at me. 
But I couldn&#8217;t go without saying goodbye.&#8221;</p>

<p>She shook her head.</p>

<p>&#8220;There&#8217;s so much I want to say,&#8221; he mumbled.  &#8220;Something&#8211;I wanted to say something to let you know how much
you mean to me.&#8221;</p>

<p>He pulled away, leaving her reaching for him over the fence.  &#8220;All I could think of was when we were twelve. 
Remember when we played hide-and-seek in the orchard?  That day?  I dream about it all the time.  Have, ever since.&#8221;</p>

<p>Turning away to face the darkness, he said, &#8220;That&#8217;s all&#8211;I remember that day.  Goodbye, Lena.&#8221;</p>

<p>She screamed after him but he ran with renewed energy.  Armiger deduced he wanted to get as far from the cottage
as he could before whatever was coming found him.</p>

<p>Perce ran around the goat pen and down a laneway that led between more orchards.  Low fieldstone walls lined the
laneway, and in the darkness they closed in claustrophobically.  Perce&#8217;s eyes stayed down though; he seemed to know
what in the dark he was afraid of, and it was nothing that might lurk behind those walls.</p>

<p>He had gone perhaps half a kilometer, and was beginning to stagger desperately, when he heard a ripping sound
overhead.  It was a sound almost like a flag in the wind, almost like the blurred noise of a sword on the downstroke, but it
went on and on, rising to a deafening crescendo.  Dust leapt from the laneway around Perce, and he coughed, and stopped
helplessly.</p>

<p>Giant claws crushed him.  He shouted blood as they spun him around and pulled him into the sky.</p>

<p>Perce saw his hands reaching down to the receding lines of the laneway, then he saw the jewel-box perfection of
Lena&#8217;s cottage glowing below him.  It was intact.  Drops of blood trailed off his fingertips and fell toward it.</p>

<p>Darkness fell over him like a cloak.</p>

<p>Armiger cursed, and opened his eyes.  Megan stood above him, her expression quizzical.</p>

<p>Something had severed his link to the remote.</p>

<p>&#8220;What is going on here?&#8221; he asked himself.</p>

<p>Megan laughed lightly.  &#8220;I was about to ask you that myself.  What are you doing?&#8221;</p>

<p>He shook his head, scowling into the night.  Suddenly the shadows Diadem cast across the clearing didn&#8217;t look so
benign.  </p>

<p><em>I have to leave</em>, he thought.  But, looking up at Megan, he found he didn&#8217;t want to say that to her.  In its own way,
that was as disturbing as the vision he had just had.</p>

<p>He pushed the heel of one hand against his forehead, a gesture one of his lieutenants had favored.</p>

<p>&#8220;You&#8217;re a mess,&#8221; Megan said sympathetically.</p>

<p>Armiger thought about it.  Then he squinted up at her.  &#8220;Dear lady,&#8221; he said, &#8220;I believe you are right.&#8221; </p>]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Ventus - Day 27 of 135</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-27-of-135/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/karl-schroeder/ventus-day-27-of-135/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:05:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>TurtleReader</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Karl Schroeder]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Ventus]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.turtlereader.com/news/ventus-day-27-of-135/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[











9

&#8220;This may be our last warm night of the year,&#8221; said Megan the next evening.  &#8220;It pleases me to see you enjoying it.&#8221;

Armiger smiled at her.  He stood in the center of the clearing next her cottage.  The sun had just set, leaving a rose
band across the western horizon.  The moon [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[











<h3>9</h3>

<p>&#8220;This may be our last warm night of the year,&#8221; said Megan the next evening.  &#8220;It pleases me to see you enjoying it.&#8221;</p>

<p>Armiger smiled at her.  He stood in the center of the clearing next her cottage.  The sun had just set, leaving a rose
band across the western horizon.  The moon Diadem was rising.  The moon received its name from the scattering of
brilliant white craters on its surface, which made it a dim oval studded with diamond-bright pinpricks of light.  On other
nights Armiger had praised or cursed those gleaming points, depending on whether night-visibility was to his army&#8217;s
advantage or not.  Tonight, possibly for the first time, he was able to admire the sight for its own sake.</p>

<p>He felt content.  He knew it was because he was free from all responsibilities during this convalescence.</p>

<p>&#8220;Strange,&#8221; he murmured.  </p>

<p>Megan looked up at the moon, then back at him.  &#8220;What?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;I should be dead,&#8221; he said.</p>

<p>She touched his shoulder.  &#8220;Your wounds were terrible.  But they&#8217;re healing quickly.  Isn&#8217;t that normal for a
morph?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m not exactly a morph,&#8221; he said wryly.  &#8220;Just something like one.  But yes, you&#8217;re right.&#8221;  The lie came easily to
his lips.  Then he thought about it.  Could he explain this to a mortal?  He would never have thought he had an obligation
to try.  </p>

<p>Armiger lowered his eyes from the moon, and studied Megan in the pale light.  She was a creature he didn&#8217;t
understand.  His plans had rarely included women.  But she stood next to him now, easy in the cricket-song and darkness,
and played none of the dominance games males played.  She took her own obligation to him, the wounded soldier, for
granted.</p>

<p>&#8220;My link to my higher self,&#8221; he began, then stopped.  &#8220;It was more than love.  We shared an identity.  When&#8230; she
died, I should have died too.  Because there was only one of us.  Or at least that&#8217;s what I believed.&#8221;</p>

<p>Megan nodded.  &#8220;We all think that of our life&#8217;s love.  But one carries on.&#8221;</p>

<p>At first Armiger thought she had simply not understood him.  Then he thought of another possibility:  Megan knew
his experiences were not like hers, but she was making an effort to translate them into terms she could understand.  </p>

<p>It surprised him to think that she might be spending her time with him doing such an odd kind of work.  For it would
be work, finding commonality with a stranger&#8217;s experience.  Armiger himself did so only as a way of anticipating the next
move of an opponent.</p>

<p>If she&#8217;d kept her conclusions to herself, he might have believed she was doing that too.  But she shared them.</p>

<p>&#8220;Was she killed in the war?&#8221; Megan asked.</p>

<p>He started to say no, since this local brushfire he had been involved in had nothing to do with the interstellar conflict
that had resulted in his greater self&#8217;s demise.  But he could play the same game as her:  what would make sense to her, on
an emotional level?  &#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said.</p>

<p>&#8220;You won&#8217;t go back to being a soldier, will you?&#8221;</p>

<p>He barely heard her.  <em>Why am I alive</em>?  When his Self died, he should have been extinguished, or at least turned back
into an aimless machine.  </p>

<p>&#8220;I thought I knew what I was,&#8221; he said.  Armiger had pretended to be human since arriving on Ventus.  Before that,
he recalled bright light and deep vacuum, vision encompassing 360 degrees, radio song in his head, and others&#8217; thoughts
as well.  In that existence, there had been no distinguishing his own mind from those of his companions, the other servants
of 3340.  And the god&#8217;s will was the same as their own.  The part of that vast identity that was Armiger thought of himself
as an extension of the greater whole.  He had assumed that when he thought, it was 3340 who was thinking, and when he
acted, it was the god acting.  It had always been that way.</p>

<p>No, not always&#8230;</p>

<p>Suddenly the presence of this woman at his side felt threatening.  Something ancient, a memory perhaps, made him
turn away from her.  &#8220;I need to be alone now,&#8221; he said.  The harsh tone of his own voice surprised him.</p>

<p>&#8220;But&#8211;&#8221; she began.  Then she seemed to think better, and turned and walked away quickly.</p>

<p>Armiger glanced back.  Humans were biological creatures&#8211;mortal animals.  For a second there, though, he had
touched on some deep-buried feeling within himself.  Megan had loomed in the darkness as real as 3340 itself.  For an
instant, he had&#8230; remembered?  Remembered standing with someone, a human being, who was every bit his own equal.  A
creature like himself.</p>

<p>A woman.</p>

<p>And there and then a memory unfolded within Armiger like a long-dormant flower:  of himself walking and
laughing, a young man with a young woman on his arm, on a world with two moons.  On a night like this.</p>

<p>That memory was a thousand years old.  </p>

<p>Had he once been human himself?  That could explain why 3340 had chosen him for this job.  On the other hand,
the god could have crafted his personality from the remnants of captured human minds.  After all, a memory was nothing
more than a synaptic hologram.  He was sure 3340 could manufacture any sort of memory for its agents.</p>

<p>Armiger stalked through the long wet grass, swiping at it absently with his hands.  The moon and the warmth of the
night were forgotten now.  He came to the edge of the woods, and turned to pace back the way he&#8217;d come, scowling.</p>

<p>If that had been a manufactured memory, why should it remain submerged for so long?  He would have expected the
god to make only useful memories, and provide them all to his agent&#8217;s consciousness. </p>

<p>This memory&#8230; her hand in his&#8230; was an alien thing.  He couldn&#8217;t fit it into his purpose or identity as 3340 had given
them to him.</p>

<p>He realized he had been kicking the grass out of his way as he walked, tearing it up by the roots.  Armiger stopped,
and glanced back at the cottage.  Megan stood silhouetted in the doorway.</p>

<p>He ran his hand through his hair.  Well.  Evidently there was some fragment of human mentality in him.  3340
would not have sent him on this mission were that not the case.  It could explain why he was still alive:  for some reason
3340 had given him the same instincts for autonomous self-preservation as biological creatures had.</p>

<p>He told himself not to jump to conclusions.  He had yet to really take stock of himself.  Hitherto the overwhelming
fact of his bereavement had kept him from exploring what was left to him.  Maybe it was time.</p>

<p>He walked back to the cottage.  Megan still stood in the doorway, a frown on her face.  &#8220;I can&#8217;t say I haven&#8217;t done
that myself,&#8221; she said.  &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry if I reminded you of things you didn&#8217;t want to think about.&#8221;</p>

<p>Armiger felt tired, in body and mind.  &#8220;I need to thank you, actually,&#8221; he said.  &#8220;You&#8217;ve provided me such a safe
haven here that I can finally face some of these things.&#8221;</p>

<p>Megan beamed.  She seemed to struggle for something to say.  &#8220;Oh,&#8221; she managed at last.  Then, slyly, &#8220;then I can
take your ripping up the garden as a good sign?&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Garden?&#8221;  He glanced back at the darkened field.</p>

<p>&#8220;You tromped right through one of them a minute ago.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Oh.&#8221;  What to say?  &#8220;I&#8217;ll repair the damage in the morning.&#8221;</p>

<p>She laughed.  &#8220;Just do your best.  I can&#8217;t picture you as a gardener, whatever else you may be.&#8221;</p>

<p>Awkwardly, he tried a grin in reply.  Megan combed her fingers through her hair and bumped her shoulder against
the doorjamb a couple of times.  </p>

<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll heat up some stew if you&#8217;d like,&#8221; she said at last.  </p>

<p>&#8220;Thanks.  I&#8217;m going to sit out here and meditate a while.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Okay.&#8221;  She ducked back in, leaving the door open to the fragrances of night.</p>

<p>Armiger sat down stiffly on the uneven boards of the cottage&#8217;s small porch.  There was just enough space next to
Megan&#8217;s rocking chair for him to sit in full lotus.  He gazed out over the breeze-runnelled grass.  Diadem&#8217;s light cast
shadows like nodding figures under the trees.  He closed his eyes.</p>

<p> Armiger decided to avoid a full neurophysiological exam for now.  He just wasn&#8217;t psychologically strong enough to
take an objective look at how much intelligence, memory and will he had lost with 3340.  He could treat his body
dispassionately, however, so he started with that.</p>

<p>His resources were painfully low.  The gossamer nanotech that made up his real body had unfurled from its usual
position at the spine, and spread throughout this human form, right to its extremities.  Nearly all his energy was devoted to
shoring up the body&#8217;s ravaged immune system.  He had manufactured nano to move in and repair the dead cells of his
own corpse, and until a day or so ago he had been warm and breathing only because the nano had replaced normal cell
processes with their own harsh metabolism.  Now the nano were easing out of revived cells and were being reabsorbed
into his filamentary body.  His strength was growing, but very slowly.  At this rate it would be many months before he
recovered fully. </p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>Classic Horror and Lawrence of Arabia</title>
		<link>http://www.turtlereader.com/news/classic-horror-and-lawrence-of-arabia/</link>
		<comments>http://www.turtlereader.com/news/classic-horror-and-lawrence-of-arabia/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:08:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>ScottS-M</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[arabia]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Dracula]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Frankenstein]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[horror]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[lawrence]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[monster]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[vampire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.turtlereader.com/?p=8002</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Bram Stoker&#8217;s Dracula and Mary Shelley&#8217;s Frankenstein. Getting in the Halloween spirit a bit early I guess. Coincidentally both stories start written in the form of correspondence. (Also in the Halloween vein don&#8217;t forget Lovecraft&#8217;s Cthulu stories)
T. E. Lawrence&#8217;s Seven Pillars of Wisdom. I just watched the movie Lawrence of Arabia and enjoyed it so [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<ul>
<li>Bram Stoker&#8217;s <a href="http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/bram-stoker/dracula-day-1-of-140/">Dracula</a> and Mary Shelley&#8217;s <a href="http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/mary-shelley/frankenstein-day-1-of-67/">Frankenstein</a>. Getting in the Halloween spirit a bit early I guess. Coincidentally both stories start written in the form of correspondence. (Also in the Halloween vein don&#8217;t forget <a href="http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/h-p-lovecraft/collected-stories-part-1-day-1-of-277/">Lovecraft</a>&#8217;s <a href="http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/h-p-lovecraft/collected-stories-part-2-day-1-of-274/">Cthulu</a> stories)</li>
<li>T. E. Lawrence&#8217;s <a href="http://www.turtlereader.com/authors/te-lawrence/seven-pillars-of-wisdom-day-1-of-240/">Seven Pillars of Wisdom</a>. I just watched the movie Lawrence of Arabia and enjoyed it so I was interested when I heard it was based on an autobiography. Hopefully it&#8217;s interesting. The dedication certainly is mysterious.</li>
</ul>]]></content:encoded>
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